The Menendez Brothers Should Have Just Invested in Crypto and Political Connections
A Lesson in Justice, 2025 Edition
Well, folks, it seems that Erik and Lyle Menendez have been going about this all wrong. Instead of spending 30+ years in prison waiting for the legal system to acknowledge that rich parents can also be abusive, they should have taken the modern route: start a podcast, sell some NFTs, and donate to the right political campaign.
Look at the Tate brothers—freed from a Romanian prison just in time to enjoy Florida’s sunny beaches, where they now sip protein shakes and pontificate about the “matrix” while their legal troubles magically disappear. Coincidence? Of course not! It's the 2025 way.
Lesson #1: Find a Politician Who Likes You (or Your Money)
Let’s face it—justice isn’t blind, it’s just really into networking. The Tates allegedly slid some cash toward the right people, and now they’re out, while the Menendez brothers sit in prison with nothing but resentencing motions and a new DA who wants them to "apologize properly." Apologize? For what? Not getting their own influencer fanbase?
Instead of waiting for some outdated concept like due process, Erik and Lyle should be firing off emails to Team Trump or setting up a Mar-a-Lago luncheon. Maybe even a special donation to the next campaign rally. Who needs legal arguments when you have political endorsements?
Lesson #2: Get Yourself a Conspiracy Theory
Another missed opportunity—why haven’t the Menendez brothers launched a Menendez Matrix podcast? If they just rebranded their case as evidence of deep-state corruption, they’d have a top-rated Rumble channel by now. Forget self-defense—call it a globalist plot to silence their truth! They could have Tucker Carlson covering their case and Elon Musk dropping cryptic tweets about it by next week.
Lesson #3: Crypto Is the Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card
If Erik and Lyle had simply launched MenendezCoin back in 2021, they’d be out already. Think about it—if enough alt-right billionaires and tech bros got behind it, they could have used the "legalize financial freedom" angle and waltzed right out of their life sentences.
Meanwhile, the Tate brothers? They know how to play the game. They’re in Florida now, not because of airtight legal defenses, but because when you have the right connections, crime is just networking with extra steps.
So, Menendez brothers, if you're reading this (or if someone smuggles this post into your prison book club), get with the times. It's 2025. The legal system isn’t about guilt or innocence—it’s about branding. Get some PR, a token, and a political grift going, and maybe—just maybe—you’ll be sipping energy drinks with Andrew Tate in Miami instead of writing legal appeals that no one wants to read.
Because clearly, justice is for those who can afford it.